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16 Steps to build a Campfire

• Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
• Bandage left thumb.
• Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
• Bandage left foot.
• Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand).
• Light match.
• Light match.
• Repeat “a Scout smiles and whistles under all difficulties” and light match.
• Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
• Apply burn ointment to nose.
• When fire is burning, collect more wood.
• Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak
  wood in can labeled “paraffin”.
• Treat face and arms for second degree burns.
• Re-label can to read “petrol”.
• When fire is burning well, add all the remaining firewood.
• When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps.

The following humour was taken from the SA Scout Forum & Chat site:

You might be a SCOUT if:

• you have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket knife;
• you begin to think half frozen French fries, don't taste all that bad;
• you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner;
• you spontaneously break into strange songs in public;
• you can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time;
• you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go;
• you always read by a flashlight;
• your radio is always tuned to the weather station;
• you horde tent stakes;
• you wear 2 pairs of socks to bed;
• you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door;
• you sleep under a trash bag;
• you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up;
• you carry a dufflebag size first aide kit in your car;
• you always have hat hair;
• you continue to wear it until it stands on it's own;
• you're always counting how many matches you have left;
• you tie up your little brother, and he can't get loose;
• you know all the words to Little Bunny Foo-Foo, but can't remember your homework;
• you see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colours;
• your pots and pans are all black;
• you roast mini marshmallows on a paper clip over a candle, put it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the flavour;
• you always cook enough food for twelve;
• all your clothes smell like pickles (from the bucket);
• pie iron pizzas is the best meal you've had all week;
• you always have a cup hooked to your belt;
• all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them;
• you own little bits of every colour felt;
• you open letters with a pocket knife;
• you have something on your shoe... and you're sure it's only mud;
• you eat ants on a log and like it;
• you wear bread bags on your feet;
• you know 365 one pot meals;
• when opening large gifts you survey the box wondering if you have a piece of foil large enough to cover it;
• you buy your shampoo in tiny bottles;
• you order pizzas 14 at a time;
• you have the urge to help little old ladies..;whether they want it or not;
• everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water";
• your neighbours hide when they see you going door to door with "that order form" again;
• you have to go to the restroom and you start looking for a buddy;
• you really do use those emergency sewing kits;
• you go to someone's house for dinner, don't like the food, and ask if they have peanut butter and jelly;
• you tie your shoe and check the handbook to se if it can go toward earning a badge;
• you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle;
• you know 100 uses for a bandana;
• all your shirts have pin holes in them;
• you wear thongs in the shower;
• you actually own the book, "How to sh*t in the Woods";
• you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint;
• someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air;
• your favourite cologne is Deep Woods Off;
• you can't remember which hand to shake with in the office on Monday morning;
• you miss the "floaties" and "sinkers" in the office coffee;
• your computer password is "TLH FCK OCT BCR."
• you miss "cargo pockets."
• you really love your self-inflating sleep pad;
• you have the end of every rope at home backspliced or whipped;
• you correct someone who says "Gee, I used to be an Eagle Scout." and then get him to volunteer in your Troop;
• you always have a boy registration and adult leader application (F40) in your bag;
• And you have to keep replacing them;
• you deeply understand the potential of a group working together;
• you camp for a week in the summer with about a dozen old guys, about 40 between 18 and 30 and hundreds between 11 and 18 and the whole thing works!;
• you know you have brothers and sisters all over the world;
• you have seen the spiritual power the outdoors can have on men and boys;
• you have helped raise each other's children;You are proud of the mentors your sons have found;
• You know who in your patrol can really cook and who's talent lies in dishwashing;And, you think a pan of warm water feels pretty good after dinner;
• your garage is full of what you used to consider trash, that you now consider raw materials for arts & crafts projects;
• you have your own desk & filing cabinet just for scout related paperwork;
• If your calendar is full of meetings that you never forget, but can't remember to send a birthday card to your brother-in-law on time;
• if you have the local BSA office on speed dial;
• if you stop by other people's house on trash day, rescuing items you can use;
• you know all the best yard sales and thrift shops;
• people don't recognize you when you're not in uniform;
• you might be a scout if you turn down a raspberry almond torte for a spoonful of DO peach cobbler;
• you might be a scout if you find yourself discussing the relative merits of internal- versus external-frame packs on a date;
• you might be a scout if most of your wardrobe is olive drab or khaki;
• you might be a scout if you hear someone refer to 'S&M', and you chime in with, 'no, the acronym is SM.'";
• if your "microwave" is a box wrapped in foil..;
• if your gourmet meal consists of cornbread, "Spam," and bug-juice..;
• if your idea of a burned-out light bulb is a broken mantle..;
• if your front door has a zipper instead of a deadbolt..;
• if your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a Dutch Oven..;
• if you've ever heard the phrase, "Trust me, it's only an hour a week!"
• if you're the only one on your block with a fire pit in your backyard;
• if your "family vacation" includes 30 kids your wife/husband doesn't know.